My speeeeeeeech

Hello! This week I finally gave my speech (which was not easy at all). But while recovering,  it came to my mind that I never published the final version, which I'm doing now. It took innumerable hours, days and even weeks to write this. It's not perfect and I clearly see it, but I also see the progress I've made. The first variants were too wordy and chaotic, I managed to change them a lot, step by step. Funny fact, I memorized it (automatically) in such detail, that changing anything was problematic, and I totally ignored some stupid grammar mistakes, concentrating on the words themselves!!! That was really insightful journey, so, sharing this with you, I wish good luck to everybody, who is still there. 

(It WAS really hard to reduce the volume, so I tried highlighting different elements, like important information or illustrations.)

Have you got a best friend? The one that is always there for you, sympathizes you, worries about you. Wait, don't tell me - I know you have. Even if it's hard times, this friend is still there - inside each of you. Because you are your very best friend!

I would like to talk about this complicated relationship that everyone has, but often neglects. However, other people will never make you happy, because self-relationship is a foundation of everything else.
       To build this foundation we need to find out:

·     Why self-relationship is so important?

·     What can it give to us?

·      How we can work on it?

To start with, self-relationship...wait, why she calls it that way? Don’t we need two people at least? No, I'm not here to talk about mental disorders, the things is, our personality consists of layers, which interact. Friends, parents, mentors…We are designed to play roles to ourselves! Our inner child says: "I want to sleep, I’m tired" - and our inner parent is the one making us stay, because a deadline is coming. Sadly, some of these roles do not help, but hurt. 

I had a friend who was... you may call it outgoing - always somewhere with someone, having fun, or watching series all night long. She cares only about herself, I thought. Then she failed her exams – She cares about nothing at all – I thought. When she got in trouble and never ended her abusive relationship, I finally asked - "What is going on?" The answer is simple, but it’s hidden inside. Shutting off, looking for love to escape or watching TV non-stop - we simply can't stand our own thoughts anymore. We are not there for us, and friends aren't always there too.
Before we move on to our second point, let’s decide, what friendship means to you. Sympathy? Support? But how often do we apply this to ourselves? What if instead we think we deserve our troubles? Befriending yourself means creating your internal support system. It may sound like another fluffy self-loving stuff, but it can give us not less, than other people. For example, if you had a tough childhood, I mean, every childhood is tough, but worse – no love and compassion, you may get it by re-parenting yourself. Nature gave us such ability and we are supposed be best experts on our needs!
 But are we? To know yourself it‘s not enough just to live life, we have to get this information. We actually have silent self-talks all the time, without it we’ll turn into monkeys! But inner talks are beyond control and can get destructive. “I’m stupid and miserable“, “She did it better”. – doesn’t sound like a friendship at all. Talking out loud takes this control to a new level. It’s not insane, and I don’t mean we should live in a forest and stop seeing people. It helps us organize our mind and understand it.  

Surprisingly, we can also calm down by referring to ourselves in the third person. This way it’s easier to look at the situation from the side!        This leads us to our final question - how we can actually work on it. I’ve learned one powerful  technique, that will probably shed more light, so I want to apply this to  you. Please, close your eyes and remember any situation when you were critical to yourself. What was the actual reason you felt that way? Imagine your close friend in a similar situation. What would you tell them? How compassionate you would be? And now, put your hand on your heart. Try to apply this attitude to yourself. If you were doing this more often, how your life would be different?
        Well, I'm not a  psychologist, frankly speaking, but I read a  good deal of articles, and I think, we can define 3 basic ideas to start with. 
    The first one is Listen. To your feelings and thoughts. Apart from self-talks, we need to spend time alone, doing what we want to do without adjusting to somebody else. The second thing - Be kind. Too abstract, yes. But we can start with celebrating small achievements. Today it can be hard for your to get up, and if you do it, it’s a small win! And finally, Accept. Critical parts of us are not enemies – they’re trying to help, but their “protection“ went out of control. Accept and forgive them for making you feel that way.

We can learn to be our own best friend. If we do, we have a friend for life! But I’m afraid, there is no choice. A conflict inside will slowly poison our self-esteem, our relationships, our life in general. If we lose ourselves, we‘ll lose our way to happiness.Instead, discovering your personality, accepting and forgiving all its layers, - will change everything.  Value this time spent alone, value your crazy ideas and small achievements. Value you as your very best friend.